Monday 17 June 2013

Morning

I don't need a reason to get up in the morning. I need one to stop me from going back to sleep.

I killed a woman today by accident. I thought she was choking & I panicked. You shouldn't give the Heimlich maneuver to a sword swallower.

I was in love with a blind woman with no fingers because my penis was the only thing she could count on.

22 comments:

  1. Your body must be getting enough magnesium if you can go back to sleep after waking up.... Get yourself a woman and she will give you plenty of reasons to get up in the morning.... Reasons like... Take the trash out, clean the garage, yada, yada, yada.

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    Replies
    1. It'a great way to look at it. I can use that for excuse why I'm not in a relationship.

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  2. Replies
    1. Live by the sword swallower die by the sword swallower, if that makes any sense.

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  3. ha. me too. i am so lazy today....usually i am up and out but today i am a slug and the saltshaker is coming...

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    1. I hate getting up before the sun goes down. Actually, like the morning but I like late at night better. It's relaxing for me.

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  4. Hope she had the magic touch.

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  5. I wish I can stay in bed today but off to work I go ~

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    Replies
    1. I actually don't go back to sleep but if I didn't put that it there it wouldn't have humorous. It may not be now.

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  6. You also shouldn't try to give the Heimlich maneuver at an orgy. Sometimes - just sometimes - the choking is intentional.

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    Replies
    1. I've been to an orgy but if I get the opportunity I'll check it out.

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  7. Does that blind woman do long division?

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    Replies
    1. No but in my case I'm glad she knew fractions.

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  8. I remember seeing a sword swallowing act when I was little, then the carnie told me and my brothers we were too young.

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    Replies
    1. I'm not sure what you meant exactly, although one possibility, regretfully comes to mind.

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  9. I just tried picturing you helping your blind (ex)girlfriend do her taxes. It was a bit awkward.

    xoRobyn

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    Replies
    1. It's not something I want to think about, taxes that is. She'd do a better job than me.

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  10. Replies
    1. I may have but she didn't, I'm sorry to say.

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