Wednesday 5 June 2013

Insecure

I'm a romantic. I still dream about someday meeting the girl I'm going to fear being intimate with.

I'm so insecure about my body when I masturbate I put a bag over my hand.

The way my sex life is going I think of impotency as saving it for myself.
Posted by at

34 comments:

  1. The Angry Lurker5 June 2013 at 01:38

    I just shut my eyes!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown6 June 2013 at 07:24

      Sorry it took me an extra day to get back to you. I had a problem replying to remarks. Some kind of computer glitch. I had to call apple to straighten it out. Weird.

      Do you shut them both at the same time? Or you could wear sunglasses so you don't recognize yourself. Or get very drunk so you see double. No that wouldn't work. It might have all kinds of psychological repercussions.

      Delete
  2. Poke The Rock5 June 2013 at 02:41

    what a bout a hand-puppet instead of a bag?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown6 June 2013 at 07:25

      Even without the bad it's already a hand puppet.

      Delete
  3. Manzanita5 June 2013 at 02:45

    #1 Perhaps you'll meet her and she will have the same fear and then there can be therapy together. That would be intimate.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown6 June 2013 at 07:26

      Unless it was group therapy. I always check for scars on the wrists. If a woman has them I know we might be compatible at least for awhile.

      Delete
  4. Eat To Live5 June 2013 at 02:54

    #2 So you know Rosey Palm very well??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown6 June 2013 at 07:28

      I never heard that before. Sounds like a stripper or someone who works in a message parlor.

      Delete
  5. Holy Ghost Writer5 June 2013 at 03:07

    Well there are plenty I fear right now, just turn on the tv and watch some honey boo boo thing. You'll want to become a monk.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown6 June 2013 at 07:29

      I can't watch one reality show. First off they're not really reality shows. Most of the stuff is set up or things are moved around in editing.

      Delete
  6. Brian Miller5 June 2013 at 03:23

    put a bag over your hand...oh my...lol....oh my...fanny stuff...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown6 June 2013 at 07:31

      I wouldn't advice using a shopping bag especially from a men's store. That would confuse the issue a bit.

      Delete
  7. Donna K. Weaver5 June 2013 at 05:14

    If it was a plastic bag I guess you'd only have to worry about doing it once. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown6 June 2013 at 07:33

      If I put the plastic bag over my head. An opaque plastic bag might even work.

      Delete
  8. Pat Hatt5 June 2013 at 05:26

    At least you'd always have a bag if you got over excited and started to hyperventilate. You'd be blowing in more ways than one lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown6 June 2013 at 07:34

      Pat, over my hand not my head. You're mixing up heads with hands.

      Delete
  9. Elsie Amata5 June 2013 at 06:28

    And they say romance is dead. At least you're still dreaming =)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown6 June 2013 at 07:38

      Romance is alive and well but terribly warped. Did I use the word warped right? Or spell it right?

      One can always dream. You never know what's around the next corner. Or in the next dark alley way. Or behind the dumpster. Or etc.

      Delete
  10. Adam5 June 2013 at 07:41

    careful of paper cuts

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown6 June 2013 at 07:39

      Adam, that sounds exactly like something you'd think of. I don't know who sicker me or you?

      Delete
  11. mail4rosey5 June 2013 at 08:53

    And they say romance is dead... ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown6 June 2013 at 07:39

      Romance is not dead, just my part in it.

      Delete
  12. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com5 June 2013 at 11:39

    I'm chuckling at your second statement, then at everyone's comments. I simply have nothing else to add.

    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Al Penwasser5 June 2013 at 17:34

      Nothing wrong with masturbation.
      It's sex with someone I love.
      DON'T TELL Mrs. Penwasser!
      It's all about the comedy.
      Plus, how will I ever get any good at it unless I practice?

      Delete
    2. Unknown6 June 2013 at 07:41

      I'm not adding much this morning. My brain is clogged. i just appreciate you even reading the stuff.

      Delete
    3. Unknown6 June 2013 at 07:43

      Al, I think I mixed up my replies. The previous reply was for Robyn.

      Practice does make perfect, although I'm not sure if perfection is the goal in this situation.

      Delete
    4. Al Penwasser11 June 2013 at 12:56

      "If you don't stop doing that, YOU'LL GO BLIND!!!"

      I wear glasses, so I know when to stop.

      Delete
  13. Grace5 June 2013 at 15:47

    Goodness on the second one ~ Are you really romantic ~ Smiles ~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown6 June 2013 at 07:43

      I live for romance. It's in my blood and in all my ulcers.

      Delete
  14. Al Penwasser5 June 2013 at 17:33

    I'm so boring, I fall asleep when I masturbate.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown6 June 2013 at 07:44

      That's pretty bad. Funny but bad. I guess no happy ending.

      Delete
    2. Al Penwasser7 June 2013 at 12:41

      Then, if I switch it up and use my left hand, the right gets all hacked off and jealous.

      Delete
    3. Unknown7 June 2013 at 15:07

      I think you better get therapy for your hands. That kind of jealousy is dangerous.

      Delete
    4. Al Penwasser11 June 2013 at 12:57

      Then, if I want some "strange," I sit on my hand until it goes numb.

      Delete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)