Monday 25 March 2013

Kangaroo

My anthropologist uncle discovered a breed of kangaroos that had back pockets. They went extinct. They kept sitting on their young.

I had my penis enlarged not for sex, I was tired of peeing on my balls.

I'm actually in terrible shape. A tribe of cannibals asked if they could use my body as an appetite suppresser.

If you'd like to read part one of Without a Head it can be found here.

18 comments:

  1. I'm curious to see what people are going to do with the second one John. I'm not touching that one with a ten foot pole!

    Read Part One of Without a Head.

    Before today, I had spent life waiting for it to start, but at that moment I wondered if I existed by reason of insanity or God’s absence of pride.

    Now that, is a brilliant sentence.

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    1. Thank You for the compliment on the "waiting for life to start" line. I liked that one even though it wasn't funny. And I wasn't crazy about the second line, writing that helped me write a line I wrote later on. There is something about a not touching it without a ten foot pole that should lead to another line but not about that. You've got me thinking. Thanks.

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  2. I am with Anne... I am going to leave your penis alone.

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    1. Wait a minute, I was trying to avoid being dirty here by keeping mum. You've been hanging out with that Cat too long Candi.

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    2. LOL looks like the cat rubbed many the wrong way

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    3. You guys all should be ashamed of yourselves. The line was a metaphor about life's short comings and the changing weather patterns, nothing to do with a private part. I know I'm full of it, unfortunately it's not coffee. That's what I need. Lot's and lots and lots of coffee. I fell asleep on the couch last night and had awful dreams about linoleum floors vs parkay, as bad as they were they were tolerable because none of them had the image or the word penis in them. For that I am thankful for.

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    1. Your first comment was removed. Now you'll have us all wondering what filth you were thinking.

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  4. At least your uncle's an anthropologist. Mine's just a drunk. He can't dig up facts, but he can dig up painful memories of the past at Thanksgiving dinner (and create more in the process).

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    1. That's pretty heavy stuff. My grandfather died on Thanksgiving day, right after a visit from me and Larry David. I figure, seeing Larry David as one of the last people he'd seen in life is punishment for him being a mobster.

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  5. I actually saw a penis enlargement that went horribly wrong. The guy got gangrene and almost lost his member. SCARY!!!!!!

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    1. If he had gotten rigamortis instead it might have worked out well for him.

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  6. I'm not afraid to touch on it, notice the on haha as who wants to pee on their balls, bad enough when it comes out and goes an opposite direction.

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    1. I hope it didn't happen last night when you were celebrating your BIRTHDAY!!!!! Happy birthday again!

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  7. ha. i hate peeing on my balls.

    yikes. the thought of gangrene as well has me wincing...

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    1. I try not to spend time contemplating the ultimate fate of my urine but do prefer a better landing spot. Yeah, the gangrene image was not pleasant. I hope who ever it was didn't put it on face book, he may lose some followers and gain a whole other following, possibly a leper colony.

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  8. I like your cannibal one. No comment regarding your need for a penis enlargement. (I've learned it's best to say nothing when a small penis is at issue.)

    xoRobyn

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  9. I think silence is the best penis policy, unless you're doing standup comedy than the more small penis jokes the better, as long as (and I don't mean this as a pun) as their tasteful, another words not vulgar. God damn, my dog always knows when I'm going to someplace in my car, it's like she listens to my phone call. Now she's pestering me. You have a good day. Looks like snow here.

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