Monday, 29 April 2013

Woodchipper

My uncle was an Italian magician instead of cutting a woman in half he pushed her through a wood chipper.

I'm pro choice but if you want to ban abortion in case a rape, then you should not kill the fetus and allow the father to live.

Following in Jesus's footsteps can lead to drowning.

24 comments:

  1. I like that wood chipper one:D

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    1. Thank you a lot of non Italian people don't understand that one. I could have used mob but that would have given it away. My grandfather was actually a mobster and he told me years ago that Jimmy Hoffa was chopped up in in a wood chopper.

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  2. oh snap....good ones today...um, did he get her back together after the wood chipper? oy on that second one....rather true...the last made me guffaw...i got a few i can tell that one to...smiles

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    1. It's actually an old line from my act. I did it as my mother didn't it was fair to kill the fetus and let the father live.

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    1. Yes, Leonardo D, Michael Angelo, and Capone. Not to mention the best Italian linguist Yogi Berra.

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  4. ahahaha all of them and the 2nd one is good for thinking...maybe shouldn't tell that one in ireland

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    1. I actually did. I couched it differently so it worked.

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  5. Hahaha The first one reminds me of the movie, "Fargo"

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    1. I can see why. That was the most memorable scene in the movie.

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  6. But if I drown will I come back to life?

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    1. I guess you'd have to last three days under water first.

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  7. First the helicopter and now the wood chipper, must have that taxidermist on speed dial.

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    1. I love death jokes. I have to write more of them.

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  8. I'm a Catholic but I do like a good Jesus joke. Do you remember when Kinison did that gig on Good Friday, the one with what were Jesus last words. I almost died from the shock of that one. Our own Tommy Tiernan did a joke like that on our Late Late Show way back and there were riots outside the studio by the time the show was over. That's the Irish for you though :)

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    1. I think Jesus jokes are great. Why not? If there is a God, and he or she doesn't have a sense of humor, I don't want to meet, him or her. Yes, I made the mistake of doing a joke in Ireland by not making he butt of the joke an English women. It was rather a harsh joke and I did it about a local girl. Well, I used the town of Galloway, where I was. It was a mistake I luckily pulled myself out of.

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  9. My church said to be more like Jesus so I had a group of Romans beat me half to death with whips and drive a spear through my side.

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    1. What church do you go to? I imagine the nuns are really tough also.

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  10. what that's David Copperfield's trick?

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  11. Oh no... not another rapist. LOL.... you know what I would do if he was left to live. He would have one little mouth full. By the way, I am pro choice too!

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  12. I guessed that. People confuse pro choice as pro abortion. No one, really wants an abortion, it's life, timing, health all kinds of issues where you need to have a choice so as not to ruin two lives. Believe me if men were the ones getting pregnant this wouldn't even be an issue. We'd have the whole south voting for choice.

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  13. Yes, kill the rapist. Kill all rapists! And it's advisable to wear floaties before walking on water like Jesus did.

    Amen to your comment above, too.

    xoRobyn

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  14. I think rapist should not get the electric chair they should get the electric condom.

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