Dread

You know your depressed when you spend half the day dreading the other half.

Gays getting married will not destroy the meaning of marriage for heterosexuals, I think marriage will destroy the meaning of the word gay.

You know you're getting old when you stay with a woman the whole night because it's easier than getting out of bed.

Leash

My girlfriend won't be seen in public with me anymore. Last week we were taking a walk and she got a ticket for violating the leash law.

What it takes to be a politician today is the ability to distinguish between what's wrong and wronger.

I'm at the age now where I fantasize about being able to live through my fantasies.

Blow Up

I was thinking about sex and how much more energy I might have if I didn't have to blow the girl up.

I don't think that marriage should be forever. I don't believe in the death penalty.

I love the spring -- its beauty heightens and renews my fear of death.

Married

Gays should be allowed to get married. But I'm not really for it because I think gay people have suffered enough pain already.

In love where size matters is in the heart.

I had traumatic childhood. My father used to wet my bed.

Mysterious

I'd like to be God, live forever and when I do horrible things have them explained as me just being mysterious.

I'm not sure how to take this. Yesterday I was asked to be a sexual surrogate for a female necrophiliac.

Texas is so homophobic it's the only place where the female impersonators are female.