Feminist

I'm a feminist, so the other night I had sex with a feminist hooker. It was great she paid half.

The good thing about death is that I won't have to wake up to pee again.

My ex girlfriend stopped talking to God. She said that He wasn't very good at taking criticism.

My Favorite Story

Funny Story from Catch a Rising star and the book standup guys.

Take Away

In Texas they want women to have less abortions by taking away Planned Parenthood so they don't live long enough to have kids.

America is about helping the less fortunate not making the less fortunate helpless.

The Koch brothers think America is the greatest country in the world that's why they want to own it.

Ban

Fastest way to ban assault weapons. After every school shooting parents should be given assault weapons and the address of Wayne LaPierre.

At one of the inaugural parties John Boehner was going to dance but couldn't... he didn't know how to lead.

The Right especially wants to take away a women's right to choose because they can't take away their right to vote.

Fair

Anyone who thinks life is fair is being unfair to themselves.

The NRA's idea of sensible gun control is restricting theAmerican people to only use exact change when buying a gun from a vending machine.

I want to meet a woman who loves me for all my faults including the one that keeps me from loving her.