It’s Me

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Was it time for me to tell Dr. Bliffover that he was a hero, a medical genius, the savior of mankind, or should I wait to see what these beings would become and if the change were permanent?  The world may have been saved, but at what price?  Would former deceased man-eating fellows become functioning members of society or would they form a new Tea Party? (I know that was at least the second Ted party reference, but I’m just trying to get them the recognition they deserve.) That last thought made me charge for the elevator and to tell Dr. Bliffover and then wait with the others to witness the outcome.  When I arrived at the floor I was greeted by Bliffover and company, all holding make-shift weapons, except for Mander. 

 “Hey, it’s me. I’m cured,” I said, doing the best impression of me I could muster. 

Dr. Bliffover held up his hand. “How many fingers am I holding up?”

“Three.  See I’m fine.”

“What’s the capital of New York?” Shrimp asked.

“Uh…Albany.”

Laura Lee’s stuck her finger in my face with such ferocity that it could never be mistaken for affection or even humane. “Do I look fat in this outfit? When I hesitated she got annoyed and added. “Go ahead answer chicken sh--.”

    “--No, you don’t. You flatter the outfit.” I shot back as she violently pulled down one of my ears pretending my head was a slot machine.

 Dr. Bliffover jumped in.  “What’s my favorite color?”

“How do hell do I know?”

“Correct-a-mundo, I’m color blind.” He shouted and started laughing. .

Skim Milk didn’t want to be left out.  “How old do you think I am?”

Even if they bashed my brains in and liquefied my private parts and forced me to drink them artificially sweetened, I would refuse to answer that one.  “Enough! I’m cured.  Look no bite marks.  I even grew some more ear hair, “I said, hoping Laura Lee would suddenly fall in love with me or drop dead with the thought she might find me attractive.  “Oh, can one of you help me get the false teeth out of my neck? They’re in pretty deep.” I said hoping that Skim’s question had been averted.

Dr. Bliffover smiled, tore out the teeth, along with a piece of my neck and said, “He was smart enough not to answer Skim’s question.  He’s cured. “

The others, except for Mander, weren’t so sure and backed up as I left the elevator and walked to the window. “Doc, it looks like it’s working on the zombies, they’re turning back into people again, one is even selling bottled water.”

“I don’t care how cute any of the guys we cure, I won’t go out with them, until they shine their shoes,” Laura said and broke into an Indian war dance. 

Doctor Bliffover, followed by the group, decided not to put on war paint, looked out the window. The cure quickly made its way outside. As zombies turned to humans and were bit by other zombies, they too turned to humans—most immediately began searching for their wallets and accusing each other of stealing their cash.”

“Doc, is there any danger that the cure could weaken as more zombies turn human?”

“Kill joy!” The Doc spit out. 

“The jerk has a point.” Laura Lee replied.